Sixty-Fifth Entry
I can't sleep. The last coupla nights I have had a hard time sleeping. I am trying to get to bed earlier than I have been, but it isn't working too successfully. As a result, I find myself thinking about stuff which I will vent to my 3.5 readers.
1. I have never been more serious about my health than I am right now. I have thought of the things I need to do to become a healthier person. As of tomorrow, I am going to quit smoking. Not for a few days, not for a few weeks, forever. Quitting smoking will be tough, but not as tough as my next goal. I am going to lose 50lbs by Christmas. That is about 10lbs per month. That goal does not sound that hard, but coupled with the extra eating from quitting smoking, it will be quite a challenge. I am going to stop eating at all fast food joints(save monthly In n' Out) and greasy spoon restaurants(including Prings, Denny's and Carrows) unless I just get a beverage. I will exercise more than just 3 times a week. This will include a daily routine of sit-ups, push-ups, more walking and running and whatever else I can do like use my bros weights. By the end of the year, I will run an 8 minute mile. 8 mins ain't that great, but its close to half the time I can do it in now. Somebody print this out.
2. I need to get a job. I need a job more than I need air to breathe. My money is running short and my parents won't like me asking them for money. I tried today to start my "cold calling", but I got too nervous and didn't do it. I decided that I need a start date, and an end date. I will start cold calling next Monday, the 29th of July and end on Friday, the 9th of August. That gives me two weeks which is ample time to do the calling, and send out all the necessaries that go along with the calling. I need to buy new interview clothes. They always say, you need to spend money to make money. Somebody print this out.
There, I've said it. That is pretty much all I have been thinking about, save for a few thoughts that should stay in the bedroom...hehe.
8 days n' counting...
7.26.2002
7.24.2002
Sixty-Third Entry
Bullfight on Monday was uber-cool. I had a lot of fun and I think 50% of the asians there did also. They only had one good guy on horseback, the other horse guy was an apprentice who sucked.
I sent in two applications today for employment. That makes a total of 4 sent out this week. Katie gave me the idea to print out internet yellow page listings for all the firms in the area. And that leaves me with three choices:
1. Faxing everyone my resume and cover letter
2. Sending everyone my resume and cover letter
3. "Cold calling" everyone first to see if they will even look at my resume and then sending it to them via either fax or mail.
I am leaning towards number 3. Number 1 is just way too impersonal, if they aren't expecting it they will treat it as a fax ad and throw it out, it costs like $1 per sheet to fax at Kinkos, but it is quick, quick, quick. Number 2 is more personal than number one, but if they aren't expecting it...garbage, I will spend 37-60 cents per set, but it too is a quick way of doing it. By using number 3, I can gauge interest, I can find out who they are looking for(if anyone), save money on postage and faxing by only sending a set to those who want it. On the other hand it will take longer, I will have to pay for the phone calls, and I will have to learn a little something about their company so I don't sound stupid on the phone.
I think I will do number 3. It is time-consuming, but very cost-effective. Wish me luck!!
Bullfight on Monday was uber-cool. I had a lot of fun and I think 50% of the asians there did also. They only had one good guy on horseback, the other horse guy was an apprentice who sucked.
I sent in two applications today for employment. That makes a total of 4 sent out this week. Katie gave me the idea to print out internet yellow page listings for all the firms in the area. And that leaves me with three choices:
1. Faxing everyone my resume and cover letter
2. Sending everyone my resume and cover letter
3. "Cold calling" everyone first to see if they will even look at my resume and then sending it to them via either fax or mail.
I am leaning towards number 3. Number 1 is just way too impersonal, if they aren't expecting it they will treat it as a fax ad and throw it out, it costs like $1 per sheet to fax at Kinkos, but it is quick, quick, quick. Number 2 is more personal than number one, but if they aren't expecting it...garbage, I will spend 37-60 cents per set, but it too is a quick way of doing it. By using number 3, I can gauge interest, I can find out who they are looking for(if anyone), save money on postage and faxing by only sending a set to those who want it. On the other hand it will take longer, I will have to pay for the phone calls, and I will have to learn a little something about their company so I don't sound stupid on the phone.
I think I will do number 3. It is time-consuming, but very cost-effective. Wish me luck!!
7.18.2002
Sixty-Second Entry
Well, I don't really know what to write, but I feel like I should. My readership is up to three, thanks Amy.
I have been on a somewhat successful health kick in recent days. I have been counting calories and eating less and trying to exercise more. I don't feel tired all the time due to a possible calorie shortage; that tells me I've been eating too much. I am trying to better commit myself to walking 3 times a week with Amy and am starting a regiment of situps and pushups. That should help out too.
Things I need to work on...going to sleep earlier, and getting up earlier. I am down to waking up at 9:15am. Which is better than the average noon time reveille that I have become accustomed to....I also need to stop eating a midnight snack. Last night was a small bowl of cereal.
I guess the deal with weight loss is that it isn't instantaneous. I am the type of person who likes things that are instantaneous, probably due to my proximity to all the things that I need and provide instant gratification like: food, music, my computer and porn(j/k...or am I).
Once I work out enough, and eat right enough, I will look better and feel a lot better. Until then, I will just have to work at it and know that the end result will be satisfying.
Well, I don't really know what to write, but I feel like I should. My readership is up to three, thanks Amy.
I have been on a somewhat successful health kick in recent days. I have been counting calories and eating less and trying to exercise more. I don't feel tired all the time due to a possible calorie shortage; that tells me I've been eating too much. I am trying to better commit myself to walking 3 times a week with Amy and am starting a regiment of situps and pushups. That should help out too.
Things I need to work on...going to sleep earlier, and getting up earlier. I am down to waking up at 9:15am. Which is better than the average noon time reveille that I have become accustomed to....I also need to stop eating a midnight snack. Last night was a small bowl of cereal.
I guess the deal with weight loss is that it isn't instantaneous. I am the type of person who likes things that are instantaneous, probably due to my proximity to all the things that I need and provide instant gratification like: food, music, my computer and porn(j/k...or am I).
Once I work out enough, and eat right enough, I will look better and feel a lot better. Until then, I will just have to work at it and know that the end result will be satisfying.
7.15.2002
Sixty-First Entry
Mamma Mia!!
It was the funniest, greatest, most excellent performance I have ever seen on any stage! It was the ultimate best!! I feel lucky that I was able to be a part of such a wonderful experience! The seats were great, and the crowd was really getting into it. Someone sitting to my left was even singing along! She must have been a die hard fan!!
I got all spiffed up for the show. It was cool to get all dressed up for an evening theatre performance in The City. I felt rich or something...
Mamma Mia!!
It was the funniest, greatest, most excellent performance I have ever seen on any stage! It was the ultimate best!! I feel lucky that I was able to be a part of such a wonderful experience! The seats were great, and the crowd was really getting into it. Someone sitting to my left was even singing along! She must have been a die hard fan!!
I got all spiffed up for the show. It was cool to get all dressed up for an evening theatre performance in The City. I felt rich or something...
7.10.2002
Sixtieth Entry
Agenda
1. Talk about beach journey yesterday and todays heat.
2. Talk about what is really killing me right now.
1.
Yesterday was great fun. Lisa, Carolyn and I all headed out to Half Moon Bay for some fun in the sun. I almost died twice, Carolyn and Lisa almost died once.
We dug a hole over 6 feet deep. I was in it. It was really cool. I kinda wanted to dig a tunnel out of it, but I was sort of afraid of the whole tunnel caving in and burying me alive. How tragic!!! I was in there for about an hour digging the hole deeper and deeper. Then it took about a half-hour to get out. That was the first time I almost died...I was trapped in the hole. The second time I almost died, was when I was convinced by Lisa and Carolyn to bury me up to my head in the hole (actually, there was very little convincing needed). As I was digging my way out, I got a massive cramp in my right leg. I almost died.
I dried and desanded my pants and shirt, and then we headed off to Palo Alto to have dinner with Jen. She took us to the Pasta Market and it was good. Then we went to Trader Joes, and then home.
Today was wicked hot and I did not leave the house all day. I stayed home and watched the Real World Chicago marathon all the way until it culminated with the Season Finale of the show. It was a good season in my book.
2.
I need a girlfriend. I need someone who will satisfy my physical desires, and my emotional and mental desires. I want a girl who will love me for me. I want a girl who does not take herself too seriously. I want a girl to hold at night and is not afraid to be held. I want a girl to talk to about anything and everything without fearing any backlash. I want a girl I can hold hands with, kiss, hug at the movies, park or restaurant. I want a girl who is not afraid to be herself around me. I want a girl who will challenge me mentally, support me emotionally, and satisfy me physically. I want a girl who will make me feel less alone. She will be the perfect girl.
I want her so badly.
Maybe it was watching the Real World marathon on MTV. All these relationships on the TV, maybe it got me thinking that I want that. I want a Cara or a Keri at my side.
Or maybe it was my Boston friend Micah who called me tonight and when I mentioned my Real World watching today told me that I needed to get a life and a girlfriend. She is right. I need a girlfriend. I need someone who can take the place of watching TV by hanging out with me.
But even as I write this, I feel an almost overwhelming sense of doom looming over me. I probably will never find a girl with all the qualities I mentioned above. There is no such thing as The Perfect Girl. Plus, there are almost no girls that will go out with an unemployed, overweight, and apathetic person like me. Am I trapped forever in this life of mine, destined to go on alone?? Or am I more like a butterfly who is going to emerge from his cocoon as a completely changed being?? I don't know. I guess I'll get out of it about as much as I put into it.
I suppose I know what the answer should be...the latter one about the butterfly. I need to get motivated and change my life around. But with each attempt at motivating myself, comes the inevitable feeling that the task at hand is too overwhelming, which causes me to return to my old and tired self. Sad but true. I don't know why I do that. I don't lose interest in losing weight or finding a job, its just that the task seems too too overwhelming so I quit.
I think that too applies to the area of finding the love of my life. The task of finding the "one" seems too overwhelming to me. Who is to say that I haven't already met her and let her pass? Who is to say that she is right under my nose? Who is to say that she could be working at my next job?
So yeah, I want and need a girlfriend.
Agenda
1. Talk about beach journey yesterday and todays heat.
2. Talk about what is really killing me right now.
1.
Yesterday was great fun. Lisa, Carolyn and I all headed out to Half Moon Bay for some fun in the sun. I almost died twice, Carolyn and Lisa almost died once.
We dug a hole over 6 feet deep. I was in it. It was really cool. I kinda wanted to dig a tunnel out of it, but I was sort of afraid of the whole tunnel caving in and burying me alive. How tragic!!! I was in there for about an hour digging the hole deeper and deeper. Then it took about a half-hour to get out. That was the first time I almost died...I was trapped in the hole. The second time I almost died, was when I was convinced by Lisa and Carolyn to bury me up to my head in the hole (actually, there was very little convincing needed). As I was digging my way out, I got a massive cramp in my right leg. I almost died.
I dried and desanded my pants and shirt, and then we headed off to Palo Alto to have dinner with Jen. She took us to the Pasta Market and it was good. Then we went to Trader Joes, and then home.
Today was wicked hot and I did not leave the house all day. I stayed home and watched the Real World Chicago marathon all the way until it culminated with the Season Finale of the show. It was a good season in my book.
2.
I need a girlfriend. I need someone who will satisfy my physical desires, and my emotional and mental desires. I want a girl who will love me for me. I want a girl who does not take herself too seriously. I want a girl to hold at night and is not afraid to be held. I want a girl to talk to about anything and everything without fearing any backlash. I want a girl I can hold hands with, kiss, hug at the movies, park or restaurant. I want a girl who is not afraid to be herself around me. I want a girl who will challenge me mentally, support me emotionally, and satisfy me physically. I want a girl who will make me feel less alone. She will be the perfect girl.
I want her so badly.
Maybe it was watching the Real World marathon on MTV. All these relationships on the TV, maybe it got me thinking that I want that. I want a Cara or a Keri at my side.
Or maybe it was my Boston friend Micah who called me tonight and when I mentioned my Real World watching today told me that I needed to get a life and a girlfriend. She is right. I need a girlfriend. I need someone who can take the place of watching TV by hanging out with me.
But even as I write this, I feel an almost overwhelming sense of doom looming over me. I probably will never find a girl with all the qualities I mentioned above. There is no such thing as The Perfect Girl. Plus, there are almost no girls that will go out with an unemployed, overweight, and apathetic person like me. Am I trapped forever in this life of mine, destined to go on alone?? Or am I more like a butterfly who is going to emerge from his cocoon as a completely changed being?? I don't know. I guess I'll get out of it about as much as I put into it.
I suppose I know what the answer should be...the latter one about the butterfly. I need to get motivated and change my life around. But with each attempt at motivating myself, comes the inevitable feeling that the task at hand is too overwhelming, which causes me to return to my old and tired self. Sad but true. I don't know why I do that. I don't lose interest in losing weight or finding a job, its just that the task seems too too overwhelming so I quit.
I think that too applies to the area of finding the love of my life. The task of finding the "one" seems too overwhelming to me. Who is to say that I haven't already met her and let her pass? Who is to say that she is right under my nose? Who is to say that she could be working at my next job?
So yeah, I want and need a girlfriend.
7.06.2002
Fifty-Ninth Entry
Interesting week to report on. I went to the beach on Tuesday. It was a lot of fun but it was rather cold. For some reason the great weather from Monday did not continue into Tuesday. I went with Lisa. After making our usual stop at Pebble Beach (and discovering that the whale carcass was still there, only this time it was purple and half eaten) we went to Bean Hollow beach a little further south along Hwy 1. There, we set up camp, and started to build a sand city. We set up the city's Civic Center atop the sand ridge overlooking the ocean. Then we built a long road to where we would build our first subdivision. Then Lisa wanted to explore, so I just finished building the city. I built three subdivisions each with three giant houses.
It got cold, so then we went to Pescadero Beach and messed around in the tide pools. We rescued a dead starfish. We named him Patrick in honor of Patrick the starfish on Spongebob Squarepants. Then we left and ate lunch with Carolyn at Los Pericos. mmmm
On Wednesday night, Lisa, Louis, Jen, Dayni and I went to Karaoke in Hayward. It was fun. I didn't feel like watching a movie afterwards so I went home.
On the fourth of July, Thursday, Jen, Dayni, Dario and I went to Joaquin Miller park in Oak-town and hiked. It was tiring, but fun!! Then I came home and had a BBQ with family. Then SLO friend Katy called and asked me if I had any plans for that night. I was all no, not really. Then she's all, you should come to the city and hang out. I was like, sure! I picked her up and we went to this hill on Twin Peaks rd. There were a lot of people there and it was pretty windy, but we could see fireworks from all over the Bay Area. It was really cool. Then we went to her place for a little while. She has a nice place. Then I went home.
On Friday (yesterday), Lisa, Jen and I went to Fairfield mainly for me to partake of a lovely meal at my favorite comfort food place, Chick-Fil-A. It was really good!! Just like I remembered it!!! Then we cruised the Westfield mall and I bought some CD's at Best Buy. It was fun. After getting back to the considerably cooler Bay Shore, we stopped at Ikea and I bought some spotlights for my new bookshelf. They really look nice at night. During the day time, you really cant see how nice they look. Its like a light from God shining down on my wall (chorus of angels). After Ikea, I got lost in Oakland and we ended up going to Chinatown. It was nice there. We got pearl tea. It was the worst pearl tea I have ever tasted. I got home and called Amy to go walking. She is sick though, so there was no walking.
I thought we were all going to go do something last night, but I was never called. Oh well, I kept myself busy counting the number of carpet fibers in my room. I kept losing count after like 1000. Oh well.
Hopefully tonight will be better. There was some buzz about going to 550 something or other, but that sounds way bunk. I guess I can watch Trading Spaces tonight!!!
Interesting week to report on. I went to the beach on Tuesday. It was a lot of fun but it was rather cold. For some reason the great weather from Monday did not continue into Tuesday. I went with Lisa. After making our usual stop at Pebble Beach (and discovering that the whale carcass was still there, only this time it was purple and half eaten) we went to Bean Hollow beach a little further south along Hwy 1. There, we set up camp, and started to build a sand city. We set up the city's Civic Center atop the sand ridge overlooking the ocean. Then we built a long road to where we would build our first subdivision. Then Lisa wanted to explore, so I just finished building the city. I built three subdivisions each with three giant houses.
It got cold, so then we went to Pescadero Beach and messed around in the tide pools. We rescued a dead starfish. We named him Patrick in honor of Patrick the starfish on Spongebob Squarepants. Then we left and ate lunch with Carolyn at Los Pericos. mmmm
On Wednesday night, Lisa, Louis, Jen, Dayni and I went to Karaoke in Hayward. It was fun. I didn't feel like watching a movie afterwards so I went home.
On the fourth of July, Thursday, Jen, Dayni, Dario and I went to Joaquin Miller park in Oak-town and hiked. It was tiring, but fun!! Then I came home and had a BBQ with family. Then SLO friend Katy called and asked me if I had any plans for that night. I was all no, not really. Then she's all, you should come to the city and hang out. I was like, sure! I picked her up and we went to this hill on Twin Peaks rd. There were a lot of people there and it was pretty windy, but we could see fireworks from all over the Bay Area. It was really cool. Then we went to her place for a little while. She has a nice place. Then I went home.
On Friday (yesterday), Lisa, Jen and I went to Fairfield mainly for me to partake of a lovely meal at my favorite comfort food place, Chick-Fil-A. It was really good!! Just like I remembered it!!! Then we cruised the Westfield mall and I bought some CD's at Best Buy. It was fun. After getting back to the considerably cooler Bay Shore, we stopped at Ikea and I bought some spotlights for my new bookshelf. They really look nice at night. During the day time, you really cant see how nice they look. Its like a light from God shining down on my wall (chorus of angels). After Ikea, I got lost in Oakland and we ended up going to Chinatown. It was nice there. We got pearl tea. It was the worst pearl tea I have ever tasted. I got home and called Amy to go walking. She is sick though, so there was no walking.
I thought we were all going to go do something last night, but I was never called. Oh well, I kept myself busy counting the number of carpet fibers in my room. I kept losing count after like 1000. Oh well.
Hopefully tonight will be better. There was some buzz about going to 550 something or other, but that sounds way bunk. I guess I can watch Trading Spaces tonight!!!
7.02.2002
Fifty-Eighth Entry
Tonight has been a night of intense thought for me. I rarely ever sit and think for long periods of time. I thought about my goals in life, my current situation in life and my past experiences in life. I thought about my career, my friends and family, and my more-than-friends relationship(s). The latter part (relationships) caused me to think the most.
I found myself reflecting on my most recent romantic involvement and what went wrong. We had it good in many ways: we enjoyed each others company, we always had a good time together, we both had basically the same ideals where family and friends were concerned, we both want and strive to be career oriented. There was, and still is, a lot of chemistry between us.
What didn't jive, at least for me, was her religious and spiritual place in life. I am no where near her level of spirituality and, what I sometimes call, belief of the unknown. She is a woman who takes her life and treats it as a vessel for God to do his bidding. Although I believe in God, it is to a much lesser extent than her; I flip-flop between a lax Catholic and an agnostic. After having a college experience where a majority of my friends were practicing Christians, I have seen the positives in having such a strong belief in God and his ways. I however, have not been able to become as "believing" as they were.
I ended the relationship because I knew that she and I would only be truly happy with people of our own spirituality. Our two different beliefs would lead us to two completely different ways of life.
But tonight, I was thinking. Why do you date someone? Why do you marry someone as opposed to someone else? Does your belief system really matter?
1. Why do you date someone?
The reason you date someone is because you take an interest in the person you are dating. Simple, but true. It could be because she is funny, it could be because you share a lot of hobbies or interests, or it could be because she is great in bed. You obviously see a quality in that person that you would like to see more of.
2. Why do you marry someone as opposed to someone else?
Compatibility on issues such as goals in life, raising a family; in general, the potential symbiosis of your lives. The love bit of a serious relationship will always be there regardless so when looking at this scientifically (which is kind of an oxy-moron, because there is nothing scientific about love), it can just drop out of the equation and basically becomes a non-issue. The dating process should expose a person to enough potential mates to where you know who you want and just go after her. The more you date, the more likely you are to come across your most compatible match.
3. Does your belief system really matter?
Although I do not believe that heavily in God and the bible, I do think that a persons belief system does factor in heavily when judging the compatibility of two people in a relationship. A person who has a strong belief in God is definitely going to raise her children differently, partake in different activities, and act differently in general. That is how I saw it when I ended my recent relationship.
But then why am I so confused about its importance? I found myself tonight thinking that it really wouldn't be so bad to marry a strong Christian and raise a family with her. I think that my morals and beliefs in raising a family are essentially the same as any Christians. It's not like I would raise my kid to be a killer. I would raise my children to respect all people. I would give them the choice on if they wanted to go to church with mommy or stay at home and help daddy build something. I have always thought that my children would be raised to have a choice on whether or not they would want to be involved in a religion. But could that happen if their mother was a Christian?
It's kind of like that whole thing about raising a bilingual child. Would you force him to learn english and, say, portuguese? I wouldn't, although some people would say that you should...higher test scores, etc. But I would only consider that if my parents weren't bilingual. Fortunately for me they are, eliminating the necessity for a bilingual grandchild. To me, this is a lot more cut and dried than the whole religion issue.
Spirituality and religion has always been a tough issue for me to think about and I handle it best by avoiding it or pushing it aside. Maybe its a fear that I may be wrong and go to hell for not going to church. Maybe its a jealousy of the religious because I am not able to walk around knowing that God is watching over me and protecting me.
I was thinking tonight that when we were together, we were good, which spawned ideas of getting back together. But then I think about how confused I get about the whole thing and just push it aside, like everything else I can't handle, and move on.
Tonight has been a night of intense thought for me. I rarely ever sit and think for long periods of time. I thought about my goals in life, my current situation in life and my past experiences in life. I thought about my career, my friends and family, and my more-than-friends relationship(s). The latter part (relationships) caused me to think the most.
I found myself reflecting on my most recent romantic involvement and what went wrong. We had it good in many ways: we enjoyed each others company, we always had a good time together, we both had basically the same ideals where family and friends were concerned, we both want and strive to be career oriented. There was, and still is, a lot of chemistry between us.
What didn't jive, at least for me, was her religious and spiritual place in life. I am no where near her level of spirituality and, what I sometimes call, belief of the unknown. She is a woman who takes her life and treats it as a vessel for God to do his bidding. Although I believe in God, it is to a much lesser extent than her; I flip-flop between a lax Catholic and an agnostic. After having a college experience where a majority of my friends were practicing Christians, I have seen the positives in having such a strong belief in God and his ways. I however, have not been able to become as "believing" as they were.
I ended the relationship because I knew that she and I would only be truly happy with people of our own spirituality. Our two different beliefs would lead us to two completely different ways of life.
But tonight, I was thinking. Why do you date someone? Why do you marry someone as opposed to someone else? Does your belief system really matter?
1. Why do you date someone?
The reason you date someone is because you take an interest in the person you are dating. Simple, but true. It could be because she is funny, it could be because you share a lot of hobbies or interests, or it could be because she is great in bed. You obviously see a quality in that person that you would like to see more of.
2. Why do you marry someone as opposed to someone else?
Compatibility on issues such as goals in life, raising a family; in general, the potential symbiosis of your lives. The love bit of a serious relationship will always be there regardless so when looking at this scientifically (which is kind of an oxy-moron, because there is nothing scientific about love), it can just drop out of the equation and basically becomes a non-issue. The dating process should expose a person to enough potential mates to where you know who you want and just go after her. The more you date, the more likely you are to come across your most compatible match.
3. Does your belief system really matter?
Although I do not believe that heavily in God and the bible, I do think that a persons belief system does factor in heavily when judging the compatibility of two people in a relationship. A person who has a strong belief in God is definitely going to raise her children differently, partake in different activities, and act differently in general. That is how I saw it when I ended my recent relationship.
But then why am I so confused about its importance? I found myself tonight thinking that it really wouldn't be so bad to marry a strong Christian and raise a family with her. I think that my morals and beliefs in raising a family are essentially the same as any Christians. It's not like I would raise my kid to be a killer. I would raise my children to respect all people. I would give them the choice on if they wanted to go to church with mommy or stay at home and help daddy build something. I have always thought that my children would be raised to have a choice on whether or not they would want to be involved in a religion. But could that happen if their mother was a Christian?
It's kind of like that whole thing about raising a bilingual child. Would you force him to learn english and, say, portuguese? I wouldn't, although some people would say that you should...higher test scores, etc. But I would only consider that if my parents weren't bilingual. Fortunately for me they are, eliminating the necessity for a bilingual grandchild. To me, this is a lot more cut and dried than the whole religion issue.
Spirituality and religion has always been a tough issue for me to think about and I handle it best by avoiding it or pushing it aside. Maybe its a fear that I may be wrong and go to hell for not going to church. Maybe its a jealousy of the religious because I am not able to walk around knowing that God is watching over me and protecting me.
I was thinking tonight that when we were together, we were good, which spawned ideas of getting back together. But then I think about how confused I get about the whole thing and just push it aside, like everything else I can't handle, and move on.
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