Three Hundred Thirty-Ninth Entry

Today is September 15, 2009. Not a particularly memorable date. September 15, 2008, one year ago today, two major things happened that have had a profound effect on the way my life is today. A year ago today, I accepted a job with OptiSolar, Inc. a promising start-up solar energy company. A year ago today, my parents separated.

It has been a very tough year, and I've had a hard time dealing with my parents separating as well as losing my job, and it's hard to know which event has had more of an affect on my life. I think initially the emotion of the separation was offset by the excitement of a new job. But once I lost my job, I was in the thick of it all.

My mom has been living here in San Leandro for the last year. She was a complete wreck the first few months, especially with the holidays and everything. That's pretty much why I cooked for the holidays. She didn't want to at all. She has gotten much better about everything, especially after I convinced her that she had to talk to someone about all this. I couldn't convince her to see a counselor or anything, but I did get her to open up to her brothers and sister. It took about a month before she was ready to talk to them about it. I would go to work worried about if she would get out of bed at all, what she would eat(if anything), how much she would cry. It was nice knowing there would be someone else who could call her to see how she was doing and maybe stop by for a visit during the day.

My mother was fiercely secretive about all that happened, except to me and my brothers. We heard it all, but were in turn sworn to secrecy. I think I was the only one who didn't tell anyone for a while. That's why most of you reading this haven't heard about this, at least not from my lips. I only told one person, and that was Amy. And that was maybe two or three months after it happened. Amy has been very understanding and patient through all of this, and I must say it has brought us closer together. I suppose a thank you and I love you are in order... Thank you, and I love you, Amy.

The first couple of months she was very depressed. My mother cried everyday and really relied on Freddy's company, and eventually my aunt and uncles. I would get two or three calls at work everyday with her crying and being incoherent and I hate to think what would have happened to her if Freddy wasn't around. That annoying, shameless and loud dog really was a godsend. His usefulness has passed though. Now he just craps and pees everywhere.

My dad is staying at the ranch and I talk to him about once a week. He's doing fine and going on because that's just what he does. He keeps going. There are cows to feed, work to go to, books to read, TV to watch. I don't visit too often because my mom somehow finds out and ends up in a mood for a couple of days. And I don't like her moods...

Being laidoff has compounded the issue. I'm home all the time and hear about everything from my mom. It's bad enough I lost my job, but do I have to have this extra punishment? She complains to me, yells at me, argues with me and is just mom-ish. It seems amplified because I'm home all the time, and I'm the only one here. But I've come a conclusion, and I kind of think she's always been this way, and it's just my turn to deal with it. **shrug** But seriously, the second I have a job, I am so outta here.

So, my apologies to everyone if I have seemed a bit distant or distracted the past year, but I've had a lot "on my plate". And it's been tough to write this post because I still have trouble talking about the whole situation. I just thought I owed everyone an explanation.

As much as I'd like to talk about how Kanye West ruined the VMA's for Taylor Swift, or how Wendy Williams is hilarious, I don't have the strength. Maybe next time.