Two Hundred Ninety-Fourth Entry

Tonight I was at Paula's for a while. I had a very interesting conversation with Shaley.

Shaley: Are you married?
Me: No Shaley.
Shaley: Do you have a girlfriend?
Me: No Shaley.
Shaley: Who was your last girlfriend?
Me: Amy?
Shaley: Yeah.
Me: We broke up a long time ago.
Shaley: Why?
Me: Because she moved very far away.(A gross oversimplification, but hey, she's only five.)
Shaley: How far away?
Me: If we got into a car and drove to her house, it would take seven days.
Shaley: Wow, that's far.
(short pause)
Shaley: What about before her?
Me: Well, there was Mylinh. But she lives in a whole other country.(I actually have no idea where Mylinh is, but I doubt Shaley has any fact-finding abilities.)
Shaley: Oh.
(short pause #2)
Shaley: You know, if you want a girlfriend, you just have to be nice to a girl.
Me: Really?
Shaley: Yeah, you just have to be nice and she will like you and be your girlfriend.
Me: Really? I didn't know that.
Shaley: Yeah, you just have to be nice and buy her stuff.
Me: Oh, I have to buy her stuff too? I can't just be nice?
Shaley: Well, you can be really nice and buy just one thing.
Me: I've tried that but it just doesn't work that way.
Shaley: Yes it does. You just have to ask a girl and be nice to her.
Me: Oh, thanks Shaley.
(Tight hug from Shaley)
Shaley: My Phillip.
Me: My Shaley.

Then Shaley asked me to fix her hair like a ballerina. I tried, but it was the most pathetic excuse for a bun that I've ever seen. She didn't know, she couldn't see it. Then Amy called. I told her I'd call her back in 30 minutes. Then I fell asleep on Paula's couch for about an hour and forgot to call Amy. Oops. They are in Cheyenne, WY, if anyone was wondering.

I got to thinking about the cutest and most innocent "lecture" Shaley gave me. Being nice really is what kids are brought up to believe starts a relationship. Being nice leads to love which leads to marriage and kids. Throw a princess, a pony and a ballet in the mix and that's probably what Shaley was thinking.

But she doesn't know that a vast majority of potential relationships are made or broken based on appearances. You always hear that women always say that the thing that attracts them to men is their personality or their intelligence or the "he makes me laugh" bullshit. I don't buy it...at all. I've been trying to make women laugh and showing my personality and intelligence for a very long time and the majority of times ended up on the losing end of the deal.

Mylinh and Amy thought I was cute, why doesn't anyone else?

Self-pity, self-pity, self-pity. (It's what I'm best at)

Maybe I should start breeding ponies and give them to potential girlfriends. That should go over well with my grandparents.

Saturday at the coast was a lot of fun. Thank you Jen for helping me keep my sanity. Earlier on the phone I apologized to Stephanie, one of Dalila's cousins for cussing at her and flipping her off...twice. But only after she apologized for being a total bitch/whiner/teenager. Karmic balance is once again achieved.

Everything happens for a reason. Everything happens for a reason.