Eightieth Entry

Today is the last day of the year. Tonight, I am going to join my family at my cousins house to play some cards and to say farewell to 2002.

I really would have rather spent the New Years Eve with my friends, but that never works out. They are all up there and I'm down here. I like hanging out with my family here. They are cool and laid back. Pretty representative of the Tulare area, I suppose.

I have been giving a lot of thought to the fact that I have noone to kiss at the stroke of midnight. No one to intimately share this moment with. It has crossed my mind several times that I could have had someone to relieve my loneliness had I not been so selfish and frustrated. But its all for the better.

The relationship I was in was extremely unhealthy. Not good for both parties, though I can see that more than she can. I came within a blink of an eye to asking her to marry me. It would have been wrong. It's not her fault I am alone on New Years though, it's mine.

So back to square one...alone on New Years.

Maybe it's just my internal biological clock ticking or something, but now more than ever, I want to get married and start a family. Buy a house and make it a home...my home. Live the life of a happily married man with a few children running around causing "mischief".

The more I think of it, the more I wish it to happen.

So, to recap...I am alone on New Years Eve, I avoided perhaps the biggest mistake of my life at the expense of being alone during one of the most reflective times in the year, and I am alone on New Years Eve.

I hate Indian Givers.