Eighty-First Entry

January 1, 2003

I am a big believer that what you do and how you act on the first day of the year is going to set the tone for the rest of the year.

I had the oddest of odd dreams this morning...but in thinking about it it makes complete sense.

From what I can remember...

I was driving a Mini Cooper type car. I pull up somewhere and I see Katie Couric. She hands me a newborn baby boy. I wasn't too shocked or anything. I guess I must have adopted him or something. He had very light blond hair, and green eyes. He was my son. I never thought I could love anyone as much as I loved him in my dream.

I watched him grow up. Through school, sports practices, etc. I gave him all the advice I could think and raised him as best I could. The dream ended with him being lost in a mall somewhere. He was 17-ish. I found him and took him home.

I woke up.

I have been thinking about this dream all day. I came to the conclusion that I am ready to start a family. I am in a position now where I can afford the responsibility to start one. I know that I have a lot of things I want to do with my life like go back to school, travel a lot but as of right now, I feel I am very ready to give all that up and start a family.

New Years Resolution #1: Look for a woman that can give me all I want. A woman that I can love forever and will be an excellent mother to my children. A woman I can settle down with in a two story farm-style house with a porch that runs the full perimeter of the house.

For some reason, this week I have been having "chick insecurities" (no offense all you chicks) about the way I look. Usually I dont really care that I have giant masses of fat all over my body, but for some reason this week I am just so over it. I need to start working out. I need to get healthy. Eating biscuits and gravy all the time ain't gonna help either, so thats goin out the door.

New Years Resolution #2: Start exercising regularly and become invisible.

This week has also become the week I fell off the wagon. I am now back to smoking a pack a day. I was doing pretty well for a while, but the temptation from watching co-workers smoking proved to be too much. It's not their fault at all. I should have just kept on the bigger patch for longer.

New Years Resolution #3: Quit smoking, once and for all.

So there are my three New Years Resolutions. I think I can for sure accomplish one of them, and the other two kinda go hand in hand, and without one you cant have the other.

A very odd thing non related to New Years....The past two weeks I have received two phone calls from two of my Ex's friends. Both were incoherent and bizzare. I have also been in contact with my Ex twice in that period. Once was a friendly Xmas call where I wished her a Merry Christmas. The other was this weekend when she called me to ask for a book she had "given" me. I was this close to burning the last remaining photos of me and her. Apart from the Xmas call, which I made in an effort to be a friend, why am I getting these drunken phone calls and messages? In an effort to not over-analyze the situation, because of Jen's inferred advice, I tried not to think anything of it. But I can't. Over-Analysis:
My Ex on several occasions thinks about 'us' with pain and malice. And in an effort to make my life miserable, has her friends call me at the worst possible times with incoherent drivel.

But I was advised not to over-analyze things.

I really, really hate Indian givers.